Friday, March 02, 2007

Studs with studs

I was grabbing a meal at Borders. They have a little coffee shop and small sandwich selection. I was staring at the prices when the guy behind the counter asked me If I had decided on what I wanted yet. I glanced up to respond but I wasn't prepared for the view.

He's got more metal on his face than I have on my car. Why do people do this?

What does he do when he goes through security at the airport? Remove his tongue stud and toss it into the plastic gray tray along with his spare change? I mean, how many ear rings does a guy need? And if he's going to wear them, why doesn't he have the same quantity on each side of his head? Is it a budget issue? Maybe he can only add to his collection of metal each week when he gets his paycheck.

And what's up with the tongue stud? That's got to hurt. Doesn't it get in the way when he eats? Does he have to floss it after each meal? These are things the inquiring mind wants to know. But I don't ask. I don't want to be rude. Thinking about it more deeply, I really don't want know. Yet, I wonder how many times a day less polite people inquire.

Whenever I'm thinking about ordering something different I always ask the cashier or wait help what they recommend. So I asked him: "How is the Italian sub?"

"Oh I have no idea. I'm a vegetarian."

And that got me to thinking. I wonder if having metal in your eyebrows, ears, nose, and tongue is somehow related to non-carnivores. I know many people who don't eat meat and they don't have metal growing out of their face. But maybe this is the way the body initially reacts to meatless diets. My theroy is that it empties the poisons by growing external metal extensions. Kind of like mushrooms growing from cow manure.

The relationship could be an interesting Federally funded University study.

He's the kind of guy who is always a couple dollars short of his share. - Paul Madonna