Stores have personality

Stores have personality. I'm sure of it. I figure that great minds must do lots of R & D to determine what their store personality will be. I'm really not privy to all the research, but I can tell you that as a customer I notice.

Like CompUSA. I hate going into that store. I avoid it as I would a leper colony. It's loud, very loud, not just audably loud but visually loud. Images scream at me from every wall of the store. The noise they pump out through their Sumo woofers pound my chest. I can't breath. The music doesn't play TO me it yells AT me. I can only take a few minutes of it. Then I have to leave. When I walk back out into the parking lot it feels as though I've strolled into a lush tranquil garden full of rainbow colored cars. I'm at peace.

OfficeMax is not quite as bad. Maybe the young folks behind the counter need that sound or they'd fall asleep waiting for the next customer.

It might just be a sign of age, this feeling that everywhere I go seems noisy. I've had enough excitement in my life and I simply don't require external stimuli to bring me a feeling of well-being.

I guess stores have personality like people do. Their personalities may sometimes conflict with my own. I've never thought of it this way but they remind me of my coffee friends.

...dave
If I'd have known how old I was going to be, I would have taken better care of myself. - Adolf Zukor

The Internet has become noisy

I've noticed a trend. The Internet is becoming noisy.

I remember the old days on the Internet. You could quietly browse the sites and click the links and see pure, unadulterated, quick loading pages of text. Not anymore. Now the pages flash and move and some even play sounds. Sometimes my curser changes into swirling numbers. My mouse pointer disappears. Once in a while I hit a page that blasts music. So now I've turned off my speakers. I want peace and quiet when I surf the big Internet waves.

The only thing I can't turn off is the moving images. Ads for cars and insurance and mortgages flash and move so distractedly that I can't concentrate on the page of text in front of me. Eventually I stop visiting those kind of sites altogether. It drives me crazy. I'll lose my mind.

To me, a noisy Internet page is like walking into a carnival. It's fine for the first few minutes but then my head spins, I get nauseous, and then bad things happen.

Hey, wait a minute, I've got my Flickr.com pictures over there, to the left, doing that flashy thing. On my own site.

What a hypocrite.

...dave
“On the Internet, Nobody Knows You're a Dog.” - Peter Steiner

Intrusive Appliances

I hate noisy appliances. I really hate them. They are so annoying.

I hate appliances that bleat and glow. I hate appliances that beep, and buzz, and bleep, and blink. Owning one of these things is like owning a spoiled only child. They incessantly vie for attention.

In the old days appliances just made some noise as a part of their operation. For example, dishwashers just made swishing sounds when they ran. Washing machines made slopping sounds when they washed. Dryers just made spinning noises. They couldn’t help themselves. It was just in their nature.

And alas, some appliances made NO noise, bless their hearts. Toasters, for example, just well, quietly toasted toast, except, of corse, when they were done, they’d pop the slices with a final quiet snappy burst. That made a little noise. But they couldn’t help themselves. That was just what they did.

It’s all different now. Today’s devices are created with micro-processors in them. They are created to act like spoiled children.

My toaster doesn’t quietly toast. It blinks while toasting. I guess I could ignore that. But I can’t ignore the high-pitched shrill piercing whistle when it’s finished scorching my bread. It’s about as pleasant as a pointed stick through my eardrum.

“Just make my toast and leave me alone! I don’t want to know the progress of the burn marks. I don’t need data on the completion stage of your process. When you’re done just pop my toast. I don’t need any more verification than that. I don’t want beeps. I don’t need blinking. Ejecting the slices is fine. My dad was fine with that, my grandfather was fine with that, I’m fine with that.”

I wish I knew how to shut the sound off, besides using a sledge hammer that is.

I have an electric toothbrush that blinks. Why?

“Why do you have to blink when I set you back into your rechargeable holder? My previous one didn’t. You’re nothing like my previous child. And why do you have to have a purple light? Why do you tormented me with your blinking purple recharging light? Why do you demand my constant attention? I have other appliances to attend to you know. I can’t give you exclusive focus. I don’t care if you ARE recharging! Just do it quietly, faithfully, and unobtrusively. I’ll get back to you when I need you again.”

These appliances are not just annoying. They are intrusive.

I’m making a new bumper sticker: Stamp Out Intrusive Appliances Now!

There ought to be a law.

...dave
Household electric appliances actually run on smoke. We know this because when the smoke escapes, they quit working.