Tuesday, January 18, 2005


I just walked out of Walmart and you'll never guess what I saw parked in the handicap zone - a monster black, immaculate, Humvee. Now this is truly puzzling. How could a person who ownes a Humvee also be allowed to park in the handicap zone?

If a person does require special parking because of a physical limitation, how do they get into the Humvee in the first place? Have you ever tried getting into one of these monsters? I've hoisted myself into one of those beasts at a car show. I needed both arms, both feet, my teeth, and someone from behind pushing me so as to catapult me into the cab.

These things are designed to roam war torn areas. There are thousands in Iraq (19,000 to date). Now I know that there are concerns around armoring them to protect troupes etc. (I've heard reports of some placing sand bags under the seats for protection against land mines.) My point is these things aren't designed for physically challenged people who are going to Walmart for some pickles. They're designed for soldiers in a military combat zone.

What's worse is the way this Hummer was parked, diagonally, that's right, diagonally. Remember that there are wide striped areas on either side of handicap zones, but this driver was unable to keep it between the lines. Wait a minute, maybe the person was mentally handicap, er, I mean, challenged. They didn't have the ability to park between the lines. Would that qualify for a handicap plate?

When I stop to think about it, these Hummers pop up in the weirdest places. Several are parked in the parking garage where I work. They are always the ones taking up two spaces and parked at an angle. I guess they do this to avoid other drivers who might ding the doors or more accurately, the running boards. I just don't get it. It's designed to drive in a combat zone, over potholes, sand dunes, and rocks but people buy one and park it in a protected space in a garage? No make sense.

If I had a Hummer, I'd ding it up on purpose just to show how tough I am. Looking at a minty Hummer is like looking at a minty Nikon camera, they owner can't be a pro. They aren't pushing it to the limits, they can't be serious. Pro's tools are battle scared, worn, and dented.

Anyone driving a Hummer without the battle scars, is a wanabe tough guy. But what do I know?

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.