Friday, May 25, 2007

Funeral Procession

Why do cops stop traffic for funeral processions? What's the sense in that?

The other day a cop car suddenly appeared in my rearview mirror like T-Rex from a Jurassic Park movie. I swerved and ditched off to the side of the road. He sped past me and positioned himself out in the middle of the intersection. His lights flashing like a Christmas tree in a Macy's window.

But of course none of the funeral cars behind him were in much of a hurry. They lagged along each following a snail's trail. I waited and watched them trickle past me like grains of sand through the narrow neck of an hour glass. When will this end? Where IS the end?

Can't we speed it up folks? I have a few things to get done before I die. I'd kind of like to get them done today.

When I die just put me in the ground at your earliest convenience. No procession, no police escort, no pomp and circumstance is really necessary. In fact, cremation will work. Take me out to the woods, river, or sea and sprinkle me around. That'll be just fine. I don't need the flashing cop cars and funeral procession. It's so, how shall I say? Ostentatious.

And the headlights, what's with the headlights? They are really unnecessary as far as I'm concerned. I've never understood the need for the headlights in a funeral procession. It's daytime! And it's not like anyone is going to get lost on the way to the grave. They are following each other AND they have the police escort.

Did I mention the insanity of a police escort for a dead man's trip to the grave?

"After I'm dead, I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one." - Cato the Elder (234-149 B.C.)