Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Bellsouth is driving me crazy

So I've tried everything to connect to the DSL that Bellsouth provides. I yanked my gateway, router, and hub out of the Kennesaw house and stuck it into the wall of the new place. But alas, it doesn't work. So I got on the phone to Bellsouth.

And I spent an hour and a half listening to music-on-hold. I've never talked to a warm body. I'm sure no humans work for Bellsouth because I've never spoken to one.

I take that back. One woman answered with an Indian accent and said:

"Hello, this is Sally."

But I knew it wasn't Sally. I know Sally and she doesn't sound like that.

After trying to find my "record on the computer" she said her computer isn't connected to Bellsouth's and she doesn't have access to my account. Then I have to wonder, "Why are you answering the phone?"

But she had a solution, she'll forward me to another...

"No, wait, don't. I've been..."

But it was too late. I got routed to another phone queue with the same music-on-hold. I'm really getting tired of that song.

"I'm sorry" an automated woman's voice said "but we are experiencing unusual call volumes." Every so often the automated voice came back: "You can get online help at www.bellsouth.com." But I can't get on the Internet. If she only knew. Stop this madness.

So tonight we spent a great deal of time cruising the streets looking for free WIFI access (Internet wireless). We found a Caribou Coffee that charges as little as $4 for two hours. I'm not paying that I told Ruth as we sat outside at the cigarette table. (We stealthily ran up by the side drive up window and found a table and chair in the shadow of the building. It was kind of exciting really. Sort of espionage-like. But we bailed when we found out they are just as stingy with their Internet access as Borders, Barnes & Noble, and Starbucks.)

I knew that Panara Bread just down the street had free WIFI but Ruth kept insisting that we check for something closer. So we drove around doing this stealth thing. Then she suggested: "Why don't we drive through neighborhoods looking for wireless access? There's got to be someone's Internet we can access." I just think she likes the thrill of it all.

Finally, I convinced Ruth that we could have been done with our email and posted our items for sale on Crag's List had we gone to Panera in the first place. "But what if it is closed?" She asked. But it wasn't. Now it's 8:30 and lo and behold the lights were on. As we drove up I mumbled: "If they close at 9:00 I'll wig. I'm telling you, I'll blow a gasket." They close at 9:00.

So I checked our email, glugged a cup of Joe, and ran out just at 9:00.

On the way out we knocked over little old lady. Yeah, well it was past her curfew anyway.

Anywhere is walking distance, if you've got the time. -Steven Wright